Surprise presidential re-match

Inaugurating a new era in American politics, Joe Biden and Donald Trump are set to star in the 2024 presidential election show.

In an exclusive interview with the Havre Daily News, Committee to Preserve Democratic/Republican Rule Forever Co-Chairs Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Lauren Boebert stressed that leaders from both parties had agreed on the rematch in an effort to temper unrealistic voter expectations.

“One thing about old Joe, you know he’s never going to rock the boat,” progressive firebrand Rep. Ocasio-Cortez said of President Biden.

“Everybody knows, whatever Donald says, he doesn’t really mean it,” Freedom caucus stalwart Rep. Boebert explained. As an example of the safe distance between Trump word and Trump action, Boebert pointed out that, while in 2016 candidate Trump promised to look out for ordinary folks, as president he followed the traditional Republican script by signing tax reform legislation to give billionaires an even bigger piece of the national pie..

For her part, Ocasio-Cortez cited examples from Biden's long congressional career, such as his support for tough on crime legislation and legislation to end traditional welfare, and his call for an invasion to topple Iraqui President Saddam Hussein years before President Bush got around to it. While acknowledging that tough on crime legislation put a lot of African American men in jail, welfare reform impoverished many, and the Iraq war was a disaster, Ocasio-Cortez pointed out that at the time those ideas were popular.

“The president is a blowing in the wind kind of person,” Ocasio-Cortez said of Biden, “He’s not going to ask questions about wars and every little thing, and get everybody upset.”

The co-chairs discounted recent polls which show that a majority of Democrats do not want Biden to be their candidate again and that former President Trump has attained an even lower overall voter approval rating than the incumbent. Ocasio-Cortez said it is important to keep popularity polls in perspective. “After all, Rep. Boebert and I are in Congress, and nobody approves of Congress, but that’s not stopping us,” Ocasio-Cortez said of herself and her co-chair.

Rep. Boebert added that, when it came to negative public opinion, her view is, “Boohoo, poor little public. Guess who’s in Congress? And you’re not!”

Boebert told the Havre Daily she has doubts about the qualifications of Trump's primary rivals. “For example, that Nikki Haley has no fashion sense,” the representative said.

Boebert was especially concerned about Ron DeSantis. “What’s going to happen when primary voters find out little Ron DeSantis wears elevator shoes? Republicans don’t put up with that fake stuff.”

Ocasio-Cortez said that since the Democratic leadership isn’t planning any debates, all people are ever going to hear about Biden’s rivals for the nomination is that RFK, Jr. is an anti-vaxxer and Marianne Williamson is a kook. The Progressive squad member does not share worries of other Democrats that famed civil rights leader and now Green party nominee Cornell West might steal votes from Biden in the presidential elections itself. Ocasio-Cortez pointed out that the only stories about the long-time progressive icon’s campaign running in the news concern possible missing child support payments and ties not just to the Russians, but also to the Chinese government. Ocasio-Cortez hinted at more damaging revelations yet to come about Dr. West's personal life.

“He may be one of those secret trophy hunters,” Ocasio-Cortez said. The representative visibly struggled to contain her emotions as she revealed, “Panda bears — so cute — they say he shoots panda bears.”

Returning to the committee’s unity theme, Boebert quoted from the words of now-deceased former Sen. Mike Gravel early in the 2020 primary cycle to the effect that a Biden/Trump contest would offer a choice between “authoritarian,” old “morons.”

While objecting to the term “moron,” Ocasio-Cortez agreed that, since the 2020 election brought out voters in record numbers, Americans were sure to appreciate a chance to do it again.

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Will Rawn is a retired Montana State University-Northern professor.