Pastor's Corner: Filling the buddy seat

I am a circuit riding pastor ... not on a trustworthy horse but in a well-used, but reliable Toyota Tacoma or Subaru Forester, depending upon the road conditions. Each Sunday, I drive 194 miles to worship with people in my three congregations in rural Montana. I have a lot of "windshield time" driving across the prairies viewing some beautiful Montana scenery. In each season, as I look out upon the land, I see people at work: planting or spraying fields, harvesting wheat, baling hay, feeding animals, plowing or shoveling snow. Through the windshield of a truck, you can catch glimpses of birds, antelope, deer, fox, coyote, badger and rabbits and get to know their seasonal activities, too. In the spring, I always look forward to seeing the migrating birds, and later the baby antelope and deer and their antics in fields. My mood always lifts as the land greens, and the crops grow - the blue of the flax matching the blue sky, then bright yellows of mustard; then, the golden wheat ripening.

Recently, I had the first-time pleasure of riding on the "buddy seat" alongside a friend who was combining wheat. Later that week, I even had the chance to drive a combine myself while harvesting peas. (It was a red letter day for me!) There's a lot of windshield time for farmers harvesting the wheat, peas, flax and other crops. My friends and I had some great conversations about farming in the past, in the '70s and regenerative farming methods today. Still, the buddy seat is often empty, just as the passenger seat of my truck is generally empty.

"What do you do when you are driving?" One of my friends on the combine enjoys the time for what he calls "farm math," timing how long it took to do a swath, area X average bushel per acre, price per bushel, etc. Likewise, I use my time to call or voice text parishioners, family or friends (totally hands free!) - usually followed by some "windshield time with God" about people's needs, relationships, and, of course, asking for some ideas for the sermon on Sunday! We enjoy audio books and podcasts. "Reframing Rural" is a podcast by Dagmar, Montana native Megan Torgeson that we enjoy and admire - https://www.reframingrural.org .

The buddy seat makes a lot of sense. Aloneness may allow for creative thinking, learning. problem solving, reflection and relaxation - these are gifts in our busy lives. However, loneliness is a natural longing for companionship and connection which we ignore at our peril.

I have learned to pay attention to my feelings and my behavior to make sure I am not trying to "numb" my feelings. Numbing can lead to work burnout, addictions and relationship problems. I have learned to use an acronym H.A.L.T. I ask the question, "Am I too Hungry? Am I too Angry? Am I to Lonely? Am I too Tired? And, if any are yes, then I make time to address my need as soon as my work will allow.

Though we might work alone, at the end of the work, finding a life-giving relationship is exactly what we need to combat loneliness. We humans are social, longing for meaning, connection and support. That's why many people find gathering for worship, meals, games and service to others is so satisfying a life habit. We find mutual support in healthy faith communities, as we "bear each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2a).

But joining a church is more that a social network. It's a place to become a friend of God, who knows us and loves us completely. As Augustine of Hippo once said, "Because God has made us for Himself, our hearts are restless until they rest in Him.

Loneliness is an emotional restlessness, that God does not want anyone to know forever. You might consider this prayer to God in a time of loneliness: "I am lonely and afflicted, relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish" Psalm 25:16-17. God declares, "Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you" Isaiah 41:10.

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The Rev. Dr. Sue King is a United Methodist pastor serving churches in the Hi-Line communities of Havre, Big Sandy and Chester.