View from the North 40: 'Wait … what?'

Welcome to the latest edition of “Wait … what?” the feature in which we here at Pamville News highlight all the “News to Confuse” — the everyday stories that make us cock our heads to the side and say that catchy phrase, “Wait … what?”

For this edition we’re jumping right into the deep end with a May 13 story out of the United Kingdom published online at CNBC.com — and, if I’m honest here, I don’t know why this news wasn’t splashed all over mainstream media.

A British employment tribunal has ruled that calling a man “bald” is a form of sexual harassment equivalent to commenting on a woman’s breast size.

“Wait … what?” you might be asking already.

The complainant was Tony Finn, an electrician for the British Bung Manufacturing Co. (I apologize that I could not think of a joke for the company’s name that was both newspaperly appropriate and relevant to this column, but I invite you to take a moment to laugh among yourselves.)

Finn filed his complaint after his shift supervisor, Jamie King, called him a “bald (expletive)” during a work dispute in 2019.

The article says that the three self-described balding men who comprise the tribunal, alluded to their own hair loss experiences, pointed out that hair loss is more prevalent in men than women, and concluded that using the word “bald,” therefore, is an insult related to a “protected characteristic of sex.” Also, the insult was a “violation against (Finn’s) dignity, it created an intimidating ... environment for him, it was done for that purpose, and it related to the claimant’s sex.”

About the profanity which was revealed to have been used by both men in the case, the tribunal said that “although … industrial language was commonplace on this West Yorkshire factory floor, in our judgment Mr. King crossed the line by making remarks personal to the claimant about his appearance.”

It is, I think, important to note here that the “industrial” language they are referring to is that King called Finn a “bald (c-word that cannot be named in newsprint),” so that means Finn was more insulted about being called follicly challenged than being referred to as being that common vulgarity for a definitively feminine anatomical feature.

If you haven’t already, now would be a appropriate time to say “Wait … what?”

I think this ruling gives us a lot to think about.

Was the whole “‘bald’ is sexist” thing the contested bit only because the guy knew that was the angle that would win the claim and get monetary compensation from the company? Or is that just me being cynical?

Is swearing, which I admit to doing a lot of, so commonplace that the last, worst, non-racial vulgarity is no big thing?

Does this case make Finn and the tribunal feminists? At least in a sort of back-handed kind of way?

How is this decision going to affect casual conversation? If I’m ever in the U.K. will I get fined or arrested or kicked out of the country if I walk into a restaurant and say to my travel companions, “Hey, let’s go sit next that bald guy over there.” At the very least I expect there to be a collective gasp from everyone within hearing distance.

Does this make men who shave their heads activists? Should I be worried about interactions with these shaved-headed men in this volatile age? I guess I’ll wait until these brothers-in-hairlessness start some war cry similar to the 1980s-inspired “Wolverines!”

Maybe it’ll be something like raising a fist and yelling “Eagles!” because, y’know, of the bald eagles. But that might be too obscure because there are so many different eagles. (Side note: Good thing the bald eagle isn’t England’s national symbol. Right?)

You know, maybe they should go with “Turkeys!” because turkeys everywhere are bald — or, for my U.K. readers, quillfully challenged — so the visual is strong and universal. You might argue that turkeys don’t have a very masculine, testosterone-pumped image, but I am reminded that we are talking about a group of proud men who don’t mind being referred to as a portion of the female anatomy, so I think it’s worth considering.

Finally, as Americans, do we need to be worried that this ruling will affect our culture?

If Chris Rock insults Will Smith’s bald head at the next Oscar Awards ceremony, is Jayda Pinkett Smith going to have to march up on stage to throw a punch in defense of her man’s ego?

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It’s something to think about at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40 .