Don't ask for smiles, offer solutions

Editor’s note: This version corrects the comparative income of women versus men.

As a woman and a graduate of Montana State University-Northern, then Northern Montana College, I am taking this opportunity to address a few off points made during Northern’s commencement ceremony Saturday.

I was highly disappointed state Sen. Brian Hoven used his opportunity of his commencement speech to Northern graduates to promote investment companies and to put voice to the political farce that the United States is threatened by socialist and communist factions — two popular buzzwords tossed out in reference to people or groups who support the well-being and opportunities of humans over those of corporate entities — though I understand that speakers are invited to impart their own brand of wisdom, not read pre-vetted remarks.

Hoven went on to advise graduates that they have learned some great basic skills, but they’re stepping into a world where success comes from fortitude, sweat and sacrifice. True enough.

Following this strong message, Chancellor Greg Kegel’s first off-the-cuff remark after reclaiming the mic was phrased in a way to specifically address young women who want to succeed, and Kegel shared that they should “smile and laugh” more.

I prefer to think that Kegel, on his own, has reflected upon his remark, or read responses that women have posted online, and he sincerely now regrets his words.

But, Mr. Kegel, in case you don’t understand the problem, the following information is for you and anyone else who is surprised that this advice offends.

Telling women they should smile and laugh more is aggravating in general. Telling them to do so in a discussion about professionalism and success is insulting at best, and infuriating on the whole.

My guess is the likes of Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, the Koch brothers, the Wilks brothers, Rupert Murdoch, Charles Schwab, George Lucas and Dennis Washington were never told the key to their business success was to smile and laugh. I would bet money, however, that every one of their female contemporaries has been told multiple times by people beyond a concerned loved one or friend that they should smile.

I know a request to smile seems like such a trivial thing. It is a symbol, though, for a host of other symptoms of deep-seated cultural blight in the U.S. — misogyny, whether it’s passive or overt.

This command comes from acquaintances, employers, teachers, parents’ male friends, random male strangers, supervisors, predators, co-workers, the guys who think it’s cute and stakes-holders of all kinds: “Smile,” they say. And “C’mon, smiiiile.” “You should smile more.” “You’d be so much prettier if you’d smile.” “If you want to get ahead, just smile and you’ll dazzle them.” “Just shut up and smile.” “I won’t give you this (fill in the blank) until you smile for me.” “There it is.” And “See? How hard was that?”

A video was released to the public Oct. 7, 2016, of then-presidential candidate Donald Trump telling TV reporter Billy Bush in a 2005 interview crude comments about women and that he — Trump — couldn’t help himself around pretty women. He just had to grab them and kiss them and even “grab them by the … .” Well, we all know the infamous quote.

As the interview proceeded, Arianne Zucker, the beautiful woman tasked with escorting them, was persistently being manipulated by Bush to make physical contact with Trump. Zucker was visibly uncomfortable — but smiling because women are taught to smile, while boys will be boys. Within one month of the release, Bush was fired and Trump was elected president.

If you want to start understanding how tired women are of misogyny winning out, consider the size of the crowd at Trump’s presidential inauguration Jan. 20, 2017, in comparison to the number of female protesters who were — the very next day — flooding through Washington, D.C., but also holding separate Women’s March events in cities and towns and tiny communities across the U.S., and literally around the world.

The United States of America is a great country; I would live nowhere else in the world. The U.S. is the great experiment in democracy built on the idea of equality for its citizens. The U.S. Constitution uses the gender neutral “persons” throughout, which would seem to resolve all differences about equality — and perhaps some framers thought ahead to a day when “persons” would mean everyone — but in reality “persons” was understood at that time to mean male citizens similar to those let into the room to write that Constitution.

Of course, this situation had broader repercussions, but for women that meant among other things, a battle at the literal home front. It’s a battle now centuries-long for equality, to end women’s restricted rights to property, money, independence and fair treatment

In fact, women didn’t have the right to vote until 1920, despite direct appeals starting in 1848 for voting rights. They could be denied their own bank account until the 1960s and their own credit cards and loans until 1974. The U.S., almost 250 years into its grand experiment, still does not have an Equal Rights Amendment.

The U.S. government had to force schools and universities with Title IX legislation in 1972 to provide equal education for male and female students, then for the next 30 years lawmakers had to keep adding laws to shore up loopholes that resistant schools continued to exploit to get out of providing female students equal access to education programs and sports.

As an example of progress in sports, Montana public schools have been rapidly developing a girls wrestling program, and you, Kegel, commented earlier this year that Northern is tentatively looking into developing its own women’s wrestling team. That seemed more promising before you told the university’s female graduates that smiling and laughing were their key to corporate success, despite no evidence of a CEO job description ever requiring proficiency in either skill.

2021 data shows that Northern’s female graduates will join other 2022 female graduates across the U.S. earning on average 84% of what their male counterparts earn in future employment. This pay gap will be, as it has been, by virtue of their gender.

They are — we are — separate but not equal. Stop advising women to smile and laugh. We still need our game faces on for the fight for equality. Help with that.

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Pam Burke is a reporter and columnist for the Havre Daily News.