View from the North 40: Wouldn't that be a Wonka life

As tragedy, after strife, after contention, after attack rolls through the news cycle, the one news byte that really hit home is this: North Americans are facing a maple syrup shortage of such dire proportions that Canada has had to tap its national emergency strategic stockpile of maple syrup to get us through these desperate times.

I am not joking about this.

I have been craving pancakes with maple syrup for more than two weeks now, and the thought of not having maple syrup to slather on them when I finally do make them is enough to break my already sketchy state of composure. Admittedly, though, my composure already broke once this week because, y’know, money and wind, wind and more wind. And, of course, I didn't get those pancakes I wanted.

More than 70% of the maple syrup in the whole wide world is produced in the province of Quebec. No kidding.

Recognizing the importance of this contribution to the world, and the Canadian economy, producers formed a cartel of sorts in the 1960s. This Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers takes in 15% of its member’s maple syrup production each year and sells any excess. More than 500 tons of maple syrup is maintained as a stockpile in warehouses.

This maple syrup stockpile exists in a world where nations store reserves of life-saving medical and emergency equipment; basic food supplies like grain in the U.S. and pork in China; crude oil to power us and continue production of plastic bags in which to tote our stuff through hard times; and uranium to keep our war machine strong and our microwave ovens nuking food.

This year, though, maple syrup production is down to a shockingly low 25% of normal in Quebec — and in pretty much all of the eastern maple syrup-producing regions of North America — primarily because of a short, warm spring.

And while it’s easy to say, this is just aboot a Canadian problem, eh, hosers, you should know that 60% of Canada’s annual harvest is sold to and consumed by Americans. Yes, the red-white-and-blue relies on the ol’ maple leaf to keep its breakfast consumers happy.

To save our bacon, and our short stacks, the federation is releasing 50 million pounds of stockpiled maple syrup — nearly half the national reserve — for sale to its valued customers.

That 50 million pounds is about 4.55 million gallons of maple syrup back on the market, baby. And just so you know, it took about 181 million gallons of sugar maple sap to make that syrup.

Now that I know I'll have the complete breakfast of pancakes and maple syrup, and in the spirit of the holiday season, I'm trying to improve my sketchy attitude.

Ponder this for a moment: In 2020 maple syrup sold for $1,970 a barrel and the equivalent amount of crude oil sold for $87. For real.

So I guess I can be thankful that my vehicles run on a crude oil product and not on maple syrup — my already strained budget definitely couldn't handle that expense.

On the other hand, if vehicles did run on maple syrup I sure wouldn't mind that Canada-U.S. pipeline running through my neighborhood. I'd be out there scanning the line for leaks every day, with a pocket full of butter packets, a tall stack of flapjacks in one hand, a fistful of link sausages in the other and hope in my heart to find a fountain of maple syrup spraying from a crack in the pipe.

I kid you not.

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It would also be a plus if we could make plastics from maple syrup instead of petroleum products, because half our trash would be tasty consumables, and when the wind blew plastic bags onto my property I could just go walk the fence line, harvesting the blown in maple bags for dessert Wouldn't that be a Wonka life at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40 .