View from the North 40: It's just a long-winded version of 'Oh no, I broke it!'

Our old friend the law of unintended consequences says that actions of people always have effects that are unanticipated or unintended, but basically, it’s just a fancy way of saying “oops.”

Like the law of gravity is an explanation used in the science of physics, the law of unintended consequences comes from the social sciences, such as economics and politics (which are frequent bedfellows, though that does not matter for our purposes here today — I’m just sayin’).

Historian Lynn White Jr. gave us a good example of unintended consequences that involves horses, so of course, it’s one of my favorites. White said that an unintended consequence of the invention of the stirrup (aka Medieval technology) led to new types of warfare that eventually led to feudalism and the nobility, which probably explains why Queen Elizabeth loves horses.

And as a side note, White’s hypotheses caused an unintended consequence of its own because it led to an argument among academics that grew so big they had to name it: The Great Stirrup Controversy. One group agreed with White and the other side said that White was, well, full of it.

Nerds, they’ll argue over anything.

But it’s not just the soft sciences that deal with unintended consequences — as proof, I give you Viagra. Haha! Of course, I’m not really going to give-you give you Viagra. I’m not a doctor and I don’t pretend to be one on the internet. I’m just giving you Viagra — specifically, the development of Viagra — as an example.

I actually wasn’t there, but I’m pretty sure historical events went down like this: At some point in the mid- to late-1980s Pfizer drug company folks had a brain-storming session.

Some executive said: “Sales are down. We need a new best-selling drug to promote.”

And a scientist said: “Well, sir, I’ve just started working on a drug to help treat hypertension and angina.”

Executive: “Sounds boring.”

Scientist: “Actually, data shows that women over 55 are 20% more likely than men to have hypertension and angina, which lead to microvascular disease, which can then lead to a heart attack. Women are more than 50% more likely to die of a heart attack than men, but they are more likely to treat their health problems early, so we could be saving the lives of many women.”

Executive: “Hypertension and angina, huh? That’s not very sexy, but women do like to shop and they might as well be spending money on us. I’m not going to throw a lot of funds at this, but go ahead with the project.”

At some point in the near future … .

Executive: “Where are we at on that hypertension-angina pill project?”

Scientist: “We’ve hit a bit of a snag, sir. It seems the men involved in the study are reporting that the pill gives them extreme and, um, relatively long-term unintended consequences.”

Executive: “Unintended consequences?”

Scientist: “Yes, um, arousal.”

Executive: “Arousal?”

Scientist: “Yes, so much so it’s interfering with the testing, thus we are altering the formula to—”

Executive: “No! No, no. Noooo, no, no. Don’t change a thing. You’ll have every resource you need, just change the focus of your research. We’re going after the male members of society with this one, baby. It’s the holy grail of pharmaceuticals.”

Scientist: “OK, sir. But what about the hypertension and angina? The women?”

Executive (speaking loudly): “Are you still talking?! Is he still talking?! I took that blue pill and all I can hear is ‘wah wuh wah waw’! Just get after this! I gotta go find my wife or my girlfriend or someone! Good man!”

History.com says that the drug, technically sildenfil, was patented in 1996 and FDA approved in 1998, “a stunningly short time compared to other drugs.”

Also, technically, I am now super sidetracked from my topic, but I want to add that the law of gravity still applies. Pfizer is laughing all the way to bank about it, but it still applies. Just sayin’.

So what is my point about unintended consequences if it’s not about gravity or stirrups or blue pills?

I broke my barn, my precious old barn.

Technically, I was trying to fix my barn — I took vacation days and everything to get it done — but it broke in the process.

A long section of wall needed to be put back into place, but the wood along the bottom was rotting. I was tired and impatient to get this part done, and not taking time to think things through and, well, you get the picture. I lifted on the wall, in what I realized later was the wrong spot and without adding stable wood, and — ker-pop!

Oops. That’s not what I intended.

The 6-by-6 inch bottom rail broke. Now I have another problem to fix. A big problem. Definitely not what I intended.

I probably wouldn’t be in this unintended trouble if I knew as much about the hard sciences of engineering and physics as I do about art — the art of avoidance, that is.

For example, I’ve spent more time pondering the law of unintended consequences than I have figuring out how I’m going to fix my barn problem. Just sayin’.

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See a photo of my latest fiasco at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40 .