View from the North 40: My dog, in his next life

It occurred to me this week that, as I have been watching my dog, Cooper, negotiate his way through his elder years, if Cooper were a human I would recognize him immediately.

As a dog, he looks exactly like his breeding, a gray Schnauzer and something-black-and-tan-ish cross, with a full beard, perky ears, wiry-haired legs and a pair of wild old-man eyebrows. At 45 pounds, the “something” in his lineage was obviously bigger than his 15-pound miniature Schnauzer mother.

An older woman once asked us his breeding and we said, “His mother was a miniature Schnauzer, but his dad, well … ,” and before we could finish the sentence, she said, “His dad was from a good family?” We hadn’t heard that saying before. We’re still laughing.

But if Cooper were a human he would have good parents, but he would be a change-of-life baby, — to use another old-fashioned phrase — so his siblings would be much older than him. Because of this, he would develop most of the stereotypical bad habits of an only child, but this attitude would be tempered by his innately good heart and regular humbling from those older siblings.

Shorter and stockier than anyone in his family, he would still seem built to be an athlete. The family would all look forward to the day he was finally old enough to play sports with them, but he would tend toward bookishness. His physical awkwardness and intellectual prowess — and that only-childness — might seem to be traits that would alienate him from his family members, but they like him anyway for some reason. They would give him all the sports rule books and he would be the referee in every family competition.

He would pride himself on his objective fairness, even when the child nieces and nephews were around making him nervous with their strange non-adultness.

Human Cooper would go to college in his hometown, graduate with respectable grades and get a practical though somewhat mundane job, but he would be content with his routine and paying his bills, and for him that would be the same as happiness. Also, he would get to live where he could keep an eye on his whole family. That would be important

He would be a good cook, not too fancy, but all his meals would be tasty and pretty.

His stocky build would soften a bit more around the edges each year until one day he would realize that he had officially become “stout.” That’s OK, he’d think, because he had looked like a middle-aged man since he was a toddler, also he liked getting older and wiser.

He would date on occasion throughout his early adulthood, but never get serious and never marry. He wouldn’t feel like he was missing out on anything because his life was full with work and family and his hobbies — did I forget to mention his hobbies? He enjoyed woodworking with its math and plans, the feel of the wood against his palm and through the medium of the tools. He like a the satisfaction of a finished piece of something practical.

He also played chess because what is there not to love about it.

As his parents aged he would do more and more for them. They would all work at making it work, and the last thing his parents each would said in this world was “You are a good boy, Cooper.”

He would spend more time in the park playing chess, usually with an odd hipster named Tony, and Cooper was surprised to realize one day that he and Tony were buddies, though they never said the word. Tony would help him teach the nieces and nephews to play chess, though only the one who liked to bowl showed any real promise. The accountant, though, would master woodworking and she would spent hours with him in his shop.

As time that he could spend with his siblings ended one by one, the nieces and nephews would gravitate to him more. They would bring their children, then their children’s children, and even when the little humans — whom he would subtly avoid because littles made him nervous — came to visit, he was happy that he could continue to look after his family.

He would have a gray beard and wild old-man eyebrows tempered by kind brown eyes.

Despite his quirks, when end was near, his family would gather and say, “Cooper you are the best.” Because it would be true, even as a human.

——

If resurrection is a thing and Cooper comes back as a human, I would be happy to come back to the world as his dog. I could do worse at [email protected].