View from the North 40: Three little questions might change everything

Traditionally, I shy away from anything that reeks of studied analysis of my psyche, but I was recently tricked into taking a three-question quiz because I thought it was just a funny thing. I mean, three little questions delivered by a comedian, how serious can that be? Then the person said noted father of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud came up with this quiz. That’s unconfirmed.

Either way, it’s simple. It’s three questions. How painful can that be?

You have been forewarned.

• So the first question is: What is your favorite animal? This is more like your “spirit animal” or an animal that fascinates you, not your favorite pet or your favorite movie animal like Lassie or Dory.

And then you have to come up with three reasons why. Here you need to give something more like one-word adjectives.

My answer to this question is: Horse, because horses:

1. are physically amazing

2. are intuitive

3. embody freedom.

• Second question: What is your favorite article of clothing? Again, this isn’t necessarily a specific piece of clothing, unless it has strong symbolic meaning, but it’s probably a type of clothing. And we have to know three reasons why.

My answer: Sweatpants. I wish it were jeans, and they run a close, close second, but it’s sweats. They are:

1. comfy, meaning loose and stretchy (I’m built weird, apparently, and a bit claustrophobic. It’s a long story that you can live without.)

2. what I wear around the house, which is my safe/casual place

3. good for all weather.

• And the third question is: What is your favorite body of water? This can be anything from an ocean to a glass of water or a swimming pool. Also, why?

My answer: A large creek/small river in the mountains. Because they are:

1. beautiful (and by that I mean clear-running, soothing to hear and cool temperature-wise)

2. fun to play in

3. remind me of happy times in my childhood.

In the interest of full disclosure, I answered the third question before I realized the answer could be a domesticated form of water. I’m sticking with my first response, but I seriously don’t know if I could choose between the mountain creek and a hot shower.

When you have your answers, read on …

The first answer is how you perceive yourself. I discovered, therefore, that according to Freud I think I am, like the horse, physically amazing, intuitive and the poster child for freedom.

I shouldn’t have been drinking water when I heard this bit of news because I somehow choked on it and blew some out my nose at the same time. I’ve never seen a horse do that trick.

Clearly — and I hate to argue with the great Dr. Freud here — but clearly, my answer was what I imagine I would love to be because, here in reality, I understand I’m more of a three-toed sloth-type chick. I’m slow, I look weird and I just like to hang out at home eating.

Moving on.

Your second answer is how other people see you. In my case, that means people see me as comfortable, homey and good for all weather. I would like to argue that or come up with some snappy, sarcastic retort, but honestly I’ll take it. I’ve been called worse than that.

The third answer, well, this is Freudian, so you know it has to have something to do with certain intimate physical activities with the conjugal partner of your choosing.

Specifically, your third answer is supposed to describe how you view that activity.

I’m not going to repeat my answers. I’m just not.

All I’m going to say here is that either A) Freud is a fraud, 2) this quiz is more fraudian than Freudian, or thirdly, I need a solid recommendation for a good mental health therapist.

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Maybe I should’ve answered hot shower. It is soothing, warms me up and, literally, makes me clean … wait. What? I gotta go get some fresh air at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40.com .