Pastor's Corner: Dedicated to all the fathers

When the phone rang, I answered, “Barrows residence, Vicki speaking.” My sister Deb’s familiar voice replied, “Hi, I’m calling to update you on Dad’s condition. I know you have a lot going on at church, but I think you should try to get away as soon as possible to come and see him. He’s failing quickly.”

So, I booked a flight and packed my bags. On the way to Arizona I prayed for Dad, for our family, for strength, the same things many of you have prayed many times. Then I said, “Daddy God, I’m not expecting Dad to recognize me, and I’ll be fine if he doesn’t. But it would be a huge blessing if he did.” Dad’s dementia had worsened drastically in just a few months, and there were days when he didn’t seem to recognize family members who visited every day.

My flight arrived in the evening, so my stepmother and I decided to wait until morning to go to the care center. When we arrived, I could see Dad in the “family room,” along with numerous other residents and a few staff. As I approached the doorway, I could hear Dad telling the other residents that he would arrange a fishing trip for them. He would make sure everyone had a rod and reel and all the supplies they needed. My eyes teared up. I felt sad knowing Dad would never again cast a fly in a Wyoming stream, and, oh, how he loved to fish! But I also felt joy and admiration, knowing that his heart was to share the fun of fishing with his care center “family,” even though there would be no fishing trips for any of them.

When I entered the room, Dad looked up and exclaimed, “Vicki!” Then, clarifying for the other residents, “This is my daughter Vicki.” Thank you, Father God! I’m not sure my dad knew me during my other visits that week, but I’ll always cherish that answered prayer. Dad passed away in May last year, so this is our second Father’s Day without him. I miss him but I’m grateful he is no longer battling physical or mental ailments.

And I’m very glad I got to tell him everything I wanted to say long before the dementia developed. Our relationship was strained for some years, partly because we didn’t spend much time together. My parents divorced when I was 6; I lived in Billings with my mom and visited my dad and stepfamily during the summer; there were some summers in high school when I didn’t go at all. Those of you who have been part of a blended family know that the process can be quite challenging. We started out as “yours, mine and ours,” with each of us sometimes thinking, “I don’t like this and I don’t think it’s going to work.” Over the years, though, the Lord brought amazing healing, and we became “this is us, and we love each other.” Dad and I were able to talk through various issues, seek forgiveness, and readily extend that forgiveness from the heart.

How about you? As Father’s Day approaches, are you planning to spend some time with your dad? Or has he passed away? Whether or not he is still alive, are you reminiscing about the good and happy times? Or do you have some memories that still hurt deeply? No one has perfect parents, but some of us experienced a lot of pain in childhood. Are you still one of the “walking wounded” or have you received the healing you need?

God can provide that healing. Many of you may have experienced that, just as I have. But perhaps some of you are reluctant to seek help, maybe because you feel unworthy, or you have heard God referred to as “Father” and you stumble over that term. You might think, “If he’s anything like my earthly father, I don’t want anything to do with him. Fathers are supposed to provide, but mine didn’t. Fathers are supposed to protect us, but mine hurt me instead. Fathers are supposed to help us find our identity and purpose in life, but mine didn’t do that. In fact, I have sometimes felt more like an orphan than a beloved child.”

I can relate to some of those thoughts. But no matter what you experienced with your earthly father, Father God really does love you. He wants to heal you. He promises to always be with you. He wants to protect you and provide for you. He will gladly help you find your true identity and path in life. He doesn’t want you to be or feel like an orphan anymore. If you have trouble believing these things, then perhaps you can relate to Jesus more so than to the Father. Jesus told His disciples He came to reveal the Father. “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father,” He said. And He came to make a way for us to enjoy relationship with Him and the Father and the Holy Spirit.

Jesus almost always referred to the Father with the endearing term “Abba,” that we translate as “Daddy” or “Papa.” As far as I can tell, the one time He spoke otherwise was when the weight of our sin was crushing the life out of Him on the cross, He cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?” He and the Father understand what it’s like to have a broken relationship, and they know exactly how to make us and our relationships whole again.

So, whatever you’re planning for Father’s Day, my prayer is that you will enjoy time with your family, rejoice over happy memories, seek healing if you need it, and let God — Father, Son and Spirit — love you and draw close to you. I dedicate this column to my dad, Victor Fiala, and to all the fathers in our community. May Father God bless you abundantly!

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Vicki Barrows is a pastor at Abundant Life Ministries