People open up at annual Suicide Awareness Walk

About 100 people gathered on the Montana State University-Northern campus Thursday in awareness a major problem in north-central Montana and in the nation - suicide.

The Fourth Annual Suicide Awareness Walk was held to give a platform for those whose lives have been impacted by suicide and to raise awareness for mental health, Suicide Walk Committee Chair Amber Spring said.

Many at the event were wearing purple and teal clothing and ribbons, the symbol of suicide awareness.

Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner Jennifer Durward, APRN, PMHNP-BC, said suicide is a huge issue in the community. As a provider who treats a magnitude of disorders, including suicidal tendencies, she said she was at the event to show support for her patients, families and the community.

"It's important to see how it impacts everyone's life," Durward said. "Break the stigma."

She added that she is also an instructor in Northern's nursing program, teaching mental health nursing including issues of suicide.

Also in attendance at the suicide walk were many nursing students. The event is to celebrate the survivors of suicide and create a bonding experience, Durward said, letting people know that they are not alone and that hope is always nearby.

One of the participants in the walk, Susan Somers, said suicide is as much of a local issue, because of the state and region's high rate of suicide, as it is a national issue.

Her father committed suicide, she added, and she was at the event to bring awareness because of that.

The Gardipee family was in attendance at the event in remembrance of Jesse James Gardipee, who died in 2014. He had taken his life, his Aunt Kathy Koop St. Mark said, and his family did not know anything was wrong. She added that they were at the event to share in the experience, pay honor to her nephew and listen to other people's stories.

"There is always someone out there," St. Mark said, adding that, for those who are contemplating suicide, they are never alone and people are always willing to help. "One day can make a difference."

She said since her nephew's suicide the family has come every year, bringing the whole family, including Gardipee's widow and child.

Spring said the event was to pay tribute to those who have died and to increase awareness of the problem in the community.

"We plan this annually in an effort to bring suicide out of the darkness," Spring said.

She said the awareness walk is also for people who are struggling with depression to have a place to feel safe to talk about their problem and to get help if they need.

It gives a platform to people who have had an experience with suicide, as well, to feel safe to share their experiences and heal, she added.

She said the awareness group is also offering two certified trainers to provide Mental Health First Aid classes and three certified trainers for Youth Mental Health First Aid classes. People who are interested in those classes can contact Deidre Reiter at Bullhook Community Health Center at 395-4305.

The community has shown it wants more education and to learn how they can help people in crises, Spring added.

"I reflected on how different our society treats mental health from physical health," Spring said. "With physical health we offer all kinds of preventative screenings ... and then we have continued follow up before we conduct another yearly screening. But how do we address mental health concerns?

"We are afraid to ask questions, sometimes we don't even know the right questions to ask and that includes our medical providers," she said. "When someone says they're sick, we say 'I hope you feel better soon, let me know if you need anything.' But what do we do when their struggles have to do with their moods, with their emotion and their mental health? Changes start with us individually."

She added that this year's theme is "Be The One To," that people should be the one to make the change.

Experiences with suicide

Many community members spoke about their own experiences with suicide.

Jamie Smartt, who works in the special education department in Havre Public Schools, said that a year ago, before the school year started, she was low. She wasn't necessarily suicidal, but she did want to die, Smartt said. Her husband had tried to help her, taking her to Great Falls to get treatment, but because she was unsure if she was suicidal or homicidal, she was turned away. She said the rejection of care was devastating and she came back defeated.

She had two young kids, Smartt said, but even that wasn't enough of a deterrent from her seriously considering taking her own life. It was only her faith in God that had kept her from suicide, she added.

Later, she found that she had low hormone levels, Smartt said, and that was a factor in her depression. She added that now she is taking medication and receiving treatment sees a whole new world.

"My life is so different a year later," she said. "I have friends here that saw me during that time, and they tell me that I glow now and I don't want to die. I'm happy."

Smartt said reaching out is hard, but anyone at the high school should not be afraid to talk to her.

Krystal McDougall, who also works at the high school, said when she was a little girl she was bullied. At the age of 10 she asked her mother for a knife, McDougall said, adding that was when she turned to God.

Her uncle committed suicide years later, she said, and it was hard on the family.

She added that she has a younger brother with autism who helped her and keeps her strong. She said she knows getting help is difficult, but one of the reasons she took an emotional turn for the better was because she couldn't bear to think her brother would lose his sister.

"Every time I tell my story, it makes me stronger," she said, adding that people should reach out if they are in crisis.

"If you guys see anybody, be their friend, show them that you're there for them," McDougall said.

Alexis Dvorak, a Northern nursing student, said that a little over a year ago, her father died from cardiac arrest. When he was in the ICU she and her children went to go see him, but her now ex-husband did not want to go. Her mother, who couldn't take seeing her husband in that condition, helped Dvorak, taking care of her kids while she went to go see her father all day, every day. It was hard watching her father die, she said, and after her mother left, Dvorak took her kids with her to the ICU every day.

Her then-husband was not answering her calls at the time, she said, and she and her kids went to Helena to see him. He told her that he did not want to be married to her any more, after a month of her having the kids alone.

"And that was really my breaking point," Dvorak said.

She knew her ex-husband kept a gun in his car and after having a fight with him, both of them yelling and screaming in front of the children, she took her kids outside. She said she remembers them crying because they were not use to seeing their parents fight like that. After buckling them in their car seats in her car, she went to her ex-husband's car, she said, sitting in it ready to kill herself.

"I could hear my kids screaming as I held the gun in my hand," Dvorak said, "and that's the only thing that stopped me."

She then called her aunt, Dvorak said, and her aunt talked her down and prayed with her. A few weeks later she left her ex-husband, and has never felt like that again.

"If it hadn't been for my kids I wouldn't have made it that night," She said. "For me, I didn't know what else to do. I didn't have anything left in my life except my kids, thankfully."

After that her friends and family were a big help in getting her back onto her feet and enrolled in the nursing program at Northern, she said, adding that her entire life turned around after that.

"I found out that if I just asked there were so many people that were willing to help us," Dvorak said. "I was able to get back on my feet, but it took a lot of help, and I had to ask for that help."

"If you just ask one person a lot of times they can help you reach out to other people, which was a big thing for me," she added, "If my aunt hadn't helped me I don't know what I would have done."

She added that she prayed a lot, and God helped her through that time, along with her aunt who gave her a safe place when she needed it.

Shanda Myers, who also works at the high school, said she lost her brother when he was 15 years old. They had been through a lot together, she said. Her brother was diagnosed at a young age with bipolar disorder, she said, adding that he was on a "roller-coaster" of medications. By 15 he was doing well; he still had his struggles but he was well-liked, Myers said. She said she remembers that he had just gone to the school dance a few days before he committed suicide.

It has been six years and it is still raw, the pain doesn't go away but it is something that you learn to live with, Myers said. She named her son Spencer after her brother to honor his memory, and she can't wait to tell her son about who he was named after.

"If any of you are in high school or if you know someone ... please come talk to us," Myers said. "We have experience with this, and all I want to do is help other people."

The Key Club

Local Havre High School Key Club members Devyn Solomon, Kylynn Jarman, Jordan Jarman and Mckenzie Tommerup were also at the event to show the club's support for suicide awareness.

"There is so much (people who are suicidal) haven't experienced yet," Tommerup said.

Solomon said they were at the event to show a system of support exists for people who are struggling with depression and contemplating suicide.

They also had signs that they held during the walk. Solomon had a sign with a large semicolon, a symbol to show continuation. Tommerup had a sign that said, "Dare to Continue," followed by a semicolon as well, done in the colors of the suicide walk. Kylynn Jarman had a sign with in bold words that read, "Always Keep Fighting," with her sister, Jordan Jarman, holding a sign that said, "Life: Your story isn't over yet."