View from the North 40: News that will have you seeing yellow

Paris is known as a city of beauty and history. It is the icon of sophistication. It is now sullying its reputation, literally, with its new urinals. Ah, Paris, you are going in the toilet, or as the city officials prefer “le urinoir.”

“Paris residents peeved at very public eco-friendly urinals” reads the Aug. 13 headline to a Reuters article by Jack Hunter.

Picture this: Beneath the headline is a photo of a stylish twenty-something man facing, and standing quite close to, what looks like a large trash can that stands higher than his belly button and has a bright red lid. The man appears to be in a developed riverfront area and is gazing out, over the top of the lid, at a river, the Seine no doubt, that eats through a city scene, with a three-arch bridge, a park and trees in the background.

It’s beautiful, though, weird, y’know, that the man has chosen to sidle up to the trash bin amongst all this urban beauty, but whatev— Hey, wait a minute. That red-topped thing? That is the urinal. That’s right. The urinal, the open-air urinal, is part of the scenic wonder of Paris, including the Seine. Situated right there where he doesn’t have to miss a moment of the beauty and history — like having a TV in the bathroom so you don’t miss a play of the game.

The article says that one of the urinals, the one in the photo, is on Saint-Louis Island, “not far from Notre Dame cathedral and overlooking tourist boats passing on the Seine.”

Locals have started an uprising. No doubt. The letter-writing has already begun, petitioning will be starting soon, the article says.

I live in the country, guys urinate outside all the time, just like all the other animals. But if I’m honest, I have done it, too, and I don’t have any female friends or family who wouldn’t go outside, too, if they had to.

Granted, we women are a bit more civilized in our location selection because we, obviously, have to expose a considerable amount of skin real estate and a couple of landmarks to get the job done, but we get by and go one with what we were doing.

So you’d think a redneck heathen like me would be OK with these handy urinals in the city of Paris, but no, no I’m not.

I will freely admit that my sentiment has a hint of sour grapes because, due to a marked difference in plumbing, I can’t just urinate just wherever, quickly and efficiently with little to no residual wetness. And frankly, I would be happy with never having to sit on a toilet in a public bathroom.

I know, I know, the consolation prize is that women’s bodies can do miraculous things that men’s can’t, blah blah blah.

I still think women were robbed.

That said, aren’t the men in Paris potty trained?

I’m quite certain that the women of Paris do as women all over the world do: think ahead. That’s right, think about when and where you will have an opportunity to answer nature’s call. That’s what you do as an adult human being.

Be as good as a woman. They don’t have a municipally provided open air urinal with a first-class view of historic import right there where families are standing and kids are gawking. There are no red-topped urination chairs with an extravagant wing back for “modesty” for the women to use that allow them to enjoy the view while taking care of nature’s business. Because. Women. Plan. Ahead.

Or they just tough it out until they find a civilized solution when among civilization.

An open-to-viewing-public urinal in a very public place is like throwing a house party and having both a punch bowl and a urine bowl right next to each other in the dining room so you and your guests can hydrate and un-hydrate right there without missing any action.

I don’t think so.

——

Men, be an adult, be as good as a woman and just cross your legs and keep dancing until you find a real bathroom at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40/.