View from the North 40: Your zebra is such a jackass

Skip political races and cultural wars, Egypt and Mexico have officially gone toe to toe for the title of most outrageous jackassery literally involving a jackass of the four-legged variety, and Egypt has kicked Mexico’s jackass in the brawl.

My one trip into Mexico, roughly one hundred years ago, was a quick jaunt across the border to Tijuana, which, it might be argued, isn’t real Mexico, but the touristy side-show is technically within the borders of the country, so technically I went to Mexco. But I digress.

I was in Tijuana, Mexico, had a great time, told everyone about the trip. Roughly 50 years later when my husband went there with three female co-workers on a side excursion during a work trip to San Diego I reminded him about the three important things about Tijuana and the market there: the taxis, the bartering and the donkeys.

The one point relevant to this column — and the competition with Cairo, Egypt — is the donkeys, of course.

On every street corner in the market district is a guy with a flower-bedecked cart hooked to a donkey. Every one of the guys will call out “Hey, pretty lady, get your picture taken with the donkey.” But the thing is, every last one of the donkeys, I said, will be painted with zebra stripes.

“I don’t know why,” I said.

I still don’t.

The one guy I tried to ask about it, didn’t or wouldn’t speak English. He was nice and smiley, but “no hablo” even for the pretty lady. I think they just wanted to keep the mystery alive for business. I might’ve been a trade secret or the Tijuana Brotherhood of Zebonkeys.

My husband and his adventuresome co-workers all climbed aboard a cart and its zebra-painted donkey for a photo. I still have it on my wall. It’s awesome.

My experience and his with the zebra-donkey are two of my favorite stories.

Fast forward now to last week when Mahmoud Sarhan posted photos on Facebook from his stop at the zebra exhibit at the International Garden, a municipal park in Cairo.

Sarhan had every right to that comically skeptical look on his face in the photo. It matched the comical donkey pictured with him. Yes, the donkey in the zebra exhibit.

This donkey is so donkey-faced that it looks like it’s posing to be the uber-model for every donkey caricature in a cartoon lambasting Democrats from now to the end of the election cycle — in 2020.

With one exception.

You know it. The donkey is painted with zebra stripes. It is, after all, a zebra exhibit so all donkeys must be appropriately attired.

However, this isn’t like back in 2010 when a zoo in Gaza got caught with two donkeys painted up to look like donkeys.

That zoo director said, “Dang-skippy we have a couple of painted donkeys in the zebra exhibit. They cost us $700 for the pair and real zebras cost, like, $30,000 each. This a war-torn, blockade-avoiding steal of a deal, and the kids don’t care one bit when it comes time to pet them and get their picture taken with the ‘zebra.’”

Yeah, he said it, just like that, complete with finger quotes around the word “zebra.”

The director of the Cairo zoo, Mohamed Sultan, on the other hand, is all, “What are you talking about? You fake news people. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. And don’t believe the analysis by that veterinarian on that news site either. That’s just fake science, which is a real thing. Our zebras are totally legit.”

This despite that the paint job appears to have been applied with all the skill of a super-artistic fifth-grader or a props-department artisan for an episode of “HeeHaw.”

I normally don’t even like to leave my own country of Montana, but I am seriously considering saving my money for a quick trip to Cairo to get my picture taken with the pretty zebras.

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If anyone has been to Tijuana lately, I’d appreciate an update on the whole zebra-donkey-picture-taking-opportunity status at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40/.