View from the North 40: You say @#$^&, I say ha, ha, hah

At one point in the evolution of the North 40’s motherland, we took down some barbed wire fence and put up a one-wire electric fence to temporarily split our two main pastures. I swear we did this for practical purposes. The pain and torture were just a perk.

The first thing my horses did was test what they thought was a very flimsy fence. It was a logical response, even by human standards, because the fence had been three strands of heavy, twisted wire with barbs. It was no Trumpian masterpiece of a wall, but it seemed to have more stopping power than a single strand of shiny, new aluminum wire.

Or did it? They had to find out.

The yearling immediately checked out the solar panel and touched her face to the wire. She spun away and bolted a few strides before stopping to look back at the fence in some confusion. All three adult horses — who had not touched the wire at all — had the same reaction.

The bossy horse (who was different from the boss horse in that he just walked around being a little jerk) had the best response because he was determined to find a body part that could touch the fence without getting shocked. The nose? Nope! The left shoulder? Ack! No. The right shoulder? @##%! No. So he faced the fence head on, arched his neck, tensed his body and stiffly walked toward the wire, blowing quick, short breaths from flared nostrils until he hit the wire with his chest. Snap! No!

At that point he stood next to the fence thinking about it and swishing his tail in agitation, but his long tail hairs snagged the wire just enough to yank the wire into his rear end, which got shocked. Insulting! The boss horse, who had been standing by, watching the process, got shocked, as well, so she put an end to the antics by herding everyone away.

The fourth horse, the chicken at heart, didn’t need much convincing to leave because after the first horse got shocked he hadn’t come closer than 20 feet to the wire, and each time a horse got shocked he jumped farther away and sweated more.

After all their lessons were learned, I took my fencing pliers out to make one change to the ground wire — I promptly touched the noninsulated, metal pliers to the wire, got a jolt of electricity up my arm and ended up on my backside in the dirt laughing and swearing. That learned me, too.

It was nice to know, though, that it wasn’t going to kill a human or a horse. The horses and I have reaffirmed that as scientific fact over the years. Others have, too.

We had a couple pre-teen boys and their mom out one day. They lived in the country, but not around many electric fences, so we warned them about the wire.

Sometimes warnings don’t register with kids. You can kind of see it coming, right?

It had been a dry summer, so the electric fence wasn’t working very well unless we wetted the dirt around the ground rod. The older boy kept slapping the wire, laughing because it wasn’t biting him. John told him he could grab the wire tight in a fist without getting shocked because his rubber-soled tennis shoes acted as insulators that were good enough for the weakened electricity.

The kid did it and smiled triumphantly with the electric wire tight in his fist. Then John told him to reach out with his other hand and touch the metal post. He did. The kid jerked-slash-jumped away, landing on his seat in the dirt, arms clutched to his chest and explaining in theatrical noises how badly he hurt, “Aawrgh oh wrrght uhgh, man!”

The kid’s mom had just stood their watching it all play out, and while the kid was in the throes of his reaction she shook her head and said, “I can’t believe he was that dumb.”

I liked her immediately.

And John, never one to let a teaching opportunity get past him, explained to the kid the metal post was the game changer because metal conducts electricity and negated the insulating factor of his rubber soles, blah, blah, blah.

The kid said, “Oh, cool.” I mean, it sounded like, “Aarghnffft, #$%^, oooh!” but I’m sure that’s what he meant.

Honestly, if I had known an electric fence was going to be so much fun, I would have bought one years earlier.

——

In the interest of full disclosure, the temporary fence has lasted a couple decades at http://www.facebook.com/viewfromthenorth40/.