View from the North 40: Solid gold news no one can really use

Much to my surprise, a North 40 column from a few weeks ago created a confused hullabaloo among a few readers who were concerned that President Donald Trump actually might be, as I suggested, authorizing a wall of such grand proportions between the U.S. and Canada that the wall would be able to keep the cold northerly winds of Canada from crossing the border into the U.S.

Yes, I was writing about a weather-stopping wall.

Let me assure you, dear readers, that this notion is completely preposterous.

First of all, Trump is not interested in keeping winter weather in Canada. Trump has nothing against snow, domestic or foreign, because snow is so very white.

As I mention in the previous column, any such wall that could halt weather between the U.S. and our neighbors to the north, or even Mexico to the south, would be in clear violation of the North American Free Weather Agreement, called NAFWA, a little-known addendum to the North American Free Trade Agreement, the more familiar NAFTA.

Trump has made no secret that he wants to renegotiate NAFTA — which has guided and encouraged trade among the U.S., Canada and Mexico since 1989 — because he believes the trade agreement unfairly favors Canada and Mexico. However, he has been uncharacteristically silent about the weather agreement portion of the treaty.

His silence comes despite the fact that the U.S. on average has the more appealing climate of the three countries with a proportionate balance of warm and cold weather periods — which are often unduly influenced by weather extremes crossing into the U.S. from the north and the south.

Pamville News’ inside sources at the White House have said that Trump’s silence stems from his considerable quandary over the pros and cons of having free flow of cross-border weather.

Of course, Trump is against what he called in a tweet “the dirty brown dust filtering in to MY Beautiful America from the SOUTH,” referring to dust storms blowing into the U.S. on hot southerly winds from Mexico. On the other hand, Trump recognizes that those dust-carrying winds are red hot, sources said, and he is very much in favor of turning all the southern tier states into red states, notably California, New Mexico and Nevada.

As stated earlier, Trump is in favor of white snow crossing into the U.S. from Canada, however, the white snow comes in on harsh arctic winds that turn people blue. This, he said, is “bad.” He doesn’t want red northern tier states Idaho, Montana and North Dakota to turn blue in the cold.

It’s quite a dilemma, but White House sources say that Trump may soon have help in making his decision on NAFWA.

Thursday, the Washington Post broke the story ahead of other national and international news sources that the famous Guggenheim Museum last fall turned down Trump’s request to borrow the painting “Landscape with Snow” by Vincent Van Gogh. Museum curator Nancy Specter offered instead to send America’s first orange president an 18-karat gold toilet.

Pamville sources say Trump told staff that he is considering the offer because he feels that a solid gold throne is a fitting place to contemplate the world’s issues and regularly drop solid gold tweets on all his followers.

——

Surprisingly, this column actually does contain one small shred of truth at http://www.facebook.viewfromthenorth40.com.