View from the North 40: Oh, Canada, you know how to woo me

Canada has officially become my first alternate for home country. Sure, Montana will always be the country that calls to my soul, but there’s a push in Canada to “update” their laws by making it not illegal to get in a duel with someone. In Canada. Dueling.

How awesome is that?

I mean, we’re talking about the land of the nicest people and the country that’s the home of the Canadian standoff: “You go first.” “Oh, no, you go ahead.” “Ah, I wouldn’t hear of it. You go, eh.” “Please, I insist. You first, eh.” Et cetera and so forth.

That country is essentially legalizing this statement: “Well, then, blunderbusses at aboot 20 paces it is, eh.”

The news media website DailyHive.com, which serves up lite-news to Calgary, Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver, said Wednesday that the proposed legislation which is cleaning out old laws was “meant to update and modernize the criminal justice system.” That includes taking out laws that make dueling illegal.

The site also says that the last duel in Canada in which someone died was 1838 in a little area presently known as Quebec, adding that only about 300 duels have taken place in Canada between the mid-1600s and 1948.

Not many duels, but still, they did it. I find that very attractive in a country. I know people who were born before 1948, so the last duel was practically within my lifetime.

And the article cites a Canadian government news release that says the laws “are no longer relevant or required today.”

You know what is relevant and required? A sharp sword.

Canada has very strict gun laws, so the blunderbusses are probably out, as are pistolas, carbines, revolvers and cannons for that matter. But broadswords are a go, as are épées, scimitars, battle axes and Ginsu knives if it comes down to that.

As epic as a sword duel would be in the 21st century, I think my chances of survival would greatly increase with a firearm of some kind, even a musket.

But considering the Canadian standoff, can you imagine the Canadian gun duel?

“Agreed then, pistols at 20 paces.”

“Oh, no, your eyes are not good anymore, dear enemy. Let’s do 10 paces to keep it fair, eh.”

“That’s very sporting of you, so not to the death then. Let’s go to first blood, eh?

“Too kind.”

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 …

“....”

“You are not shooting?”

“You’re not either.”

“Nooo, you go first.”

“Oh, no, you go ahead and shoot.”

“Ah, I wouldn’t hear of it, eh. You shoot.”

“Please, I insist. You shoot first. ...”

Et cetera and so forth as the sun sets.

——

I’ve sharpened my dueling sword, now I just need a passport at [email protected].