Practical Pastoring: Your spouse Book Five

The next letter that Pastor Dan wrote was to my wife Karrie on 9-18-95. He wrote to her in partial response to Karrie wondering what her role was as the wife of the pastor.

Dan said that part of her role is carrying the load while I was off doing whatever God was asking me to do. This is not very glamorous at times.

Karrie and I had experienced a difficult year in the life of the church and we made it through by the grace of God.

Pastor Dan reminded Karrie that I needed a down-to-earth, levelheaded, fun-loving wife. He thanked God that Karrie was not religious and encouraged her to be who Jesus wanted her to be — herself.

I have asked Karrie several times if she wanted to write anything about being a pastor’s wife. She has consistently refused. I do have some observations about what makes a successful pastor’s wife.

If you are already married, then you have the right spouse. Be real. You and your wife will go through many trials together. Do not be so spiritual that you are no earthly good. There are people who know many scriptures but have trouble applying them to life situations. Pastor Dan mentioned fun in his letter to Karrie. Just last night, Karrie and I laughed and laughed while we watched a low-budget movie. The Bible teaches us that a merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Laughter improves the quality and quantity of your life.

You and your wife will have to be committed 100 percent to your marriage. There will be times when you might not feel like shopping for groceries, doing the dishes, washing clothes, or changing the oil in the car. Serve your spouse the way you serve Jesus.

Put a maximum amount of effort, thought and care into your marriage. Your spouse does not deserve a minimal attempt at being a good husband. Continue to remember that you and your wife serve Jesus together. You may get the publicity and the spotlight; but without a faithful wife, you will struggle in your life and in your ministry. Give your wife the honor she is due.

The biggest attribute a pastor’s wife can possess is “not” being religious. People relate to genuine people. Religious people tend to turn people away from God. Each of us should be the person God created us to be.

Remember, if God called you to the ministry, He will safely see you through the peaks and valleys of your pastoral life. Churches may come and go, but your relationship with your spouse and Jesus will endure as you keep your focus on the Lord.

Kevin Barsotti

Ark Church

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This article is part of “Practical Pastoring: Mentoring Growth Letters from a Senior Pastor to a New Pastor, Book Five.” The author responds to his pastor’s letters to him from twenty years ago when he began his pastoral journey.