View from the North 40: No, Canada, you are great

A famous line in poetry says “Good fences make good neighbors,” but Canada is proving instead that good websites make good neighbors.

The country which has already given us the Canadian standoff of politeness (“Go ahead.” “Oh, no, you go.” “Thank you, but I insist you go.” “Thanks so much, but I couldn’t possibly. You go.” “No, please ...”), has just launched http://www.TellAmericaItsGreat.com.

Reported by the New York Times as the brainchild of Toronto-based agency Garden Collective, the website opens with a compilation video of clips from people telling America, and Americans, a multitude of reasons why we are great. It also has a feature that allows people from around the world to download their own videos to an ever-growing database of individuals bolstering our sagging morale.

In this time of great national stress, when so many Americans are worried and angry about the state of the country, the videos on this website are the ultimate tear-inducing, feel-good experience of a gift a country could dream of from a gracious neighbor. (“I’d be honored if you went first.” “That’s sweet, but really ...”).

We have awesome parks and cities, we donate more than $250 billion per year to charity, we work hard to improve during tough times, we have awesome laws for the disabled, we gave the world jazz, bluegrass and baseball, we dream big, we’re fighters for good and we’re heading to Mars and taking everyone with us. These are just some of the amazing things they say about us.

It was an overwhelmingly kind act that is continuing to give as people keep submitting videos.

And yet, because I belong to a particular subset of American — Sarcastic American of the Suspicious Nature Clan — the whole time I was listening to these people say amazing things about my country and my heart was swelling with pride while I wiped away a few tears, I was thinking “What’s your angle, Canada?”

Nobody is this nice, right?

They’re probably just trying to prevent a massive influx of illegal immigrants from south of their border. They’d be, like, “We don’t want the undesirable element of America pouring across our borders in the middle of the night. Those people are gun-toting, murdering rapists and free-loading druggies. We can’t win no matter who wins the election.”

“That’s a shockingly mean thing to say! But you’re right. How do we keep them home — without appearing to influence the election like Russia and Wikileaks. Too bad we can’t afford to build and staff a wall.”

“Can we get them to do it? How bad would we have to act to make them want to keep us out.”

“That would be so un-Canadian. But maybe we can get them to do something else: love their country. These people are obviously easily led by dramatic rhetoric — it doesn’t even need a shred of truth, just the appearance of conviction.”

“Brilliant! Operation Stay in your Own Patootie Mess is a go.”

“We need to work on that name, eh.”

“Yeah, grab a beer out of the warmer and let’s get to work.”

“Thanks, here you go.”

“Great, man, but you can go first.”

“No, really, you go ahead.”

“I couldn’t. You …”

——

I’m just kidding, Canada. You are awesome — the best neighbors a country could ask for at [email protected].