View from the North 40: Welcome to Canuck-land, folks

Owners of a store in the village of Whycocomagh, Nova Scotia, are employing some good ol’ colonial strategies to help out with a population problem that has become an employee shortage problem: land-deal bribery.

Unable to find enough employees for their country store/bakery, Farmer’s Daughter Country Market, and recognizing that the problem was a lack of community members, owners Sandee Maclean and Heather Coulombe looked at their asset of 80 acres of farmland to solve the problem.

The pair posted an extended description of the job opening and the community, and explained that they were prepared to give two acres of undeveloped woodland to whomever they hired if the employee remains working for five years and they pay the paperwork fees.

Whyococomagh is in the Cape Breton municipality — which is a fancy way of saying county — and, in case you’re interested, Cape Breton is the farthest northeast bit of scraggly-edged coastal land past Maine. It is surrounded by Atlantic ocean on three-and-a-half sides, and Whycocomagh also sits on a lake. So swimming skills or fully functioning floaties are recommended.

Oddly, they tout having “a true four-season climate,” as if long, dark, cold winters were an asset or a surprise. I’m wondering if anyone thought: “Canada, now there’s a temperate, tropical paradise. Wait, what? Canada has four seasons?”

They stop short of making applicants into indentured servants by paying them $10.70 to $12 per hour which, with the currency exchange these days, means in U.S. dollars they’ll make about two bucks and change, plus a store discount. Don’t worry, though, because if applicants move onto the property they won’t have to spend money on rent, electricity and water.

They won’t be paying for what isn’t there. Applicants will have to hone their settler skills and carve a homestead from the land.

When I said the land is undeveloped I meant naked of all trappings of a civilized society’s infrastructure, making the ideal applicant a hardy, off-grid survivalists with baking and customer service skills.

History has proven it can be done by hardy people, people who are, y’know, not me.

Please note that if you are an American looking to escape either the Trump or Clinton White House years, the ad says they are unable to sponsor a foreign worker. However, when desperate times call for desperate measures, I suggest throwing yourself at the mercy of Canadian border crossing agents and begging for political asylum.

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They’re Canadian; they’ll have pity. Won’t they? Isn’t it in their DNA at [email protected].