View from the North 40: More than clothing optional

What do you do when your life is literally too boring for words? You turn to the weird news of the world:

While the temperatures have been hot all across Montana the past few weeks, the east coast has seen some record high temperatures. With those stories dominating the news it makes sense that NBC affiliate WDSU in New Orleans thought to go “there.” By which I mean “down there.” You know, the unmentionable down there that you would find showing at a nudist colony — and they put it on the news in full-color moving pictures.

The Indian Hill Nudist Park in Louisiana offers rental of guest accommodations that range from tents to houses, the business’ website says, and guests of this gated compound have access to a large swimming pool.

Guests can participate in a number of group activities as well, the news report says, including Christmas in July and karaoke night.

But I think the smartest amenity offered at the park is the free sun screen because, as park operator Tracia Kraemer said in the interview, “The first time you burn any of those parts, you don’t forget it.”

Though public nudity is encouraged at Indian Hill, it’s not even condoned in Zelienople, Pennsylvania, where bridal shop co-owner Peter Scolieri was seen naked, hanging out among the mannequins, in the store’s front display window.

The Associated Press reported that Scolieri was seen there by three women. One took pictures. Local police are charging him with indecent exposure. The report says Scolieri gave no reason for the nude display, but did note that he smelled of alcohol.

That fact neatly leads us to the third public nudity report, this one from Czechoslovakia. Reuters reports that a man was drinking in a pub when he realized he didn’t have enough money to pay his tab, so he took off his clothes and left them for collateral while he went in search of money.

The report says, the man was walking across town in nothing but a pair of black socks (imagine if you will) when city police found him — which wasn’t difficult because it was early afternoon Monday. The police allowed him to complete his mission.

In one more story about the East Coast heatwave, it seems that external temperatures, combined with internal temperatures, caused a composting manure pile to catch fire in Throop, New York.

The AP report says that it took three fire departments two hours to put out the smoldering embers of manure.

I know fire during a dry heat spell is nothing to make light of, so I’m sorry, but that made me laugh. Three crews, two hours. Great smoldering poop piles! I smell fire?!

And just in case you can’t get enough of rural humor, let’s head to the Faroe Islands, 200 miles north of Scotland in the Norwegian Sea — yeah, I had to look that up.

A few of the almost 50,000 people in this autonomous country which is part of the Kingdom of Denmark — yeah, I didn’t know they had a kingdom – anyhow, the people got tired of waiting for Google Street View to come put their islands on the map, so they devised a plan for Sheep View 360.

They strapped 360-degree view cameras to some sheep and turned them loose in the rocky pastures of the island to wander around taking random views of the stark, roadless landscape. They posted the video on YouTube.

Somehow this was more logical than, say, sending an invitation to Google and promising them, maybe, a cut rate on room and board for their drivers to come video their streets. Nope, we got sheep that can do us proud.

Well, at least all the sheep had their nudity covered with wool coats.

(Sorry, I couldn’t keep that pun to myself at [email protected].)