Out Our Way: All in the family

Then Jesus' mother and brothers came and were standing outside; and they sent and called for him. A crowd was gathered around him and they said, "Your mother and brothers and sisters are outside asking for you." And he replied, "Who are my mother and brothers?" And looking around him, he said, "Here are my mother and brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother."

- Mark 3: 31-35

Out our way, family is pretty important. Farm and ranch families depend on each other because they all have a stake in the success of the family business. Even the little kids know they are important to the operation and their chores are just as important as those of the grown ups.

Family is also a larger concept out here than it is the case in most of the urban areas, for the extended family is also vital. It is the aunt and uncle and cousins and such that show up to help out at round up or harvest - and of course we do the same for them. That's the way it is out here.

But family is even bigger than that, for many is the time Goliath and Charlie and I rode with folks who were no relation to the owners, but were good friends and neighbors. I recall a time when a fellow in Wyoming broke his leg during calving season. He had the best-watched herd in the county that year as folks took turns coming out to check on his cows and help with some of the births. I believe he didn't lose a single calf that year - and it was a rough spring.

On the other hand, sometimes family can be one's worst enemies. I have friends whose family members treat them like dirt, who seem to delight in causing them pain. I have heard of family members who are at each other's throats half the time and the rest of the time ignore each other. Indeed, there are some family members in the world who would never be so rude and ill-mannered with a stranger as they are with their own kin.

There is more than one definition of family. DNA and genes may be one standard, but it is not the only, nor the best, one. Family is about relationship, and it goes far deeper than mere bloodlines. That is one reason why many church congregations think of themselves as family. I suspect many of you feel that way about your local church that I do. For when I was at my lowest, they were there.

When I was abandoned and in the hospital for three weeks, they called, they sent cards, they drove all the way down to Great Falls to see me. When I was finally released from ICU, some of them came to pick me up and bring me home. Some came to clean the Manse, and brought me soup and other meals. "Oh, but you're the pastor. Naturally they would do that for you!" Ah, but, you see, they do the same thing for each other as well. One of our members was stranded in Great Falls when her ride left her behind after a special class at the college. Another member drove all the way down here to pick her up and bring her back just because - well, just because she was part of "the family".

In many congregations the same story is being lived out time and time again. Nobody boasts about it. Nobody brags about it. They just do it, because - well, because they are family. That's what families do.

One of the great issues clergy face - especially in the midst of great trials and tribulations - is their isolation as a pastor. Who pastors to the pastor? Well, in my case, and in the case of a number of other Havre clergy I know, the answer is simple: the congregation does. It was in the hospital, feeling abandoned and betrayed and alone - I realized in a very tangible way that I was not alone. That I had a pretty amazing family up there in Havre.

"Who is my family?" the Lord asked the crowd. "You who love God and therefore one another - you are my family." Amen, Lord! Amen!

(John Bruington is pastor of First Presbyterian Church. Copies of this column as well as Bruin Town Tales for kids and sermons are available at http://www.havrepres.org)