View from the North 40: Things my husband says ...

“Gawd, I’m [blanking] awesome!” my husband said after helping me in the kitchen.

I had just made a big pot of stew and was in the middle of kneading dough for a batch of homemade Middle Eastern flatbread to go with it, but thank gawd(!) he was eager save the day with his innate cooking prowess.

He poured olive oil into a bowl until I said when.

Surely the meal would’ve been a complete loss without this awesomeness.

In almost every photo I’ve seen of John from his youth, he’s either making a comical face or talking, or both — and this pretty much describes him as an adult, too.

(In the interest of full disclosure, though, in all of the photos from my childhood I look pained or like I’m going to throw up or flee in fear, which pretty much describes my interactions with cameras and humans as an adult, too.)

But this column isn’t about me, it’s about him and the words that tumble from his brain and out into my life through his mouth — unfiltered, raw, unchecked:

• “I just don’t get why people wear watches in this day and age. Our phones, a clock in every room and in our cars, banks with big clocks on their signs, the radio — you just have to be aware of resources around you. Even your belly will tell you when it’s meal time. You really develop a sort of bio-rhythm awareness without relying on a watch every minute of the day.”

• “What time is it?”

• “I’m a guy. We don’t try on clothes at the store. We don’t.”

• “I am such a lucky man to be getting better looking every day.”

• “Look! See that little light. Wait. Bam! Now they’re all on, but wait. Wait for it. Aaaannd ... they’re off. I did that. I programmed that. High five me.”

• “Would you marry me?”

• “What time is it”

• “Do I look stupid in this new shirt?”

• “Mornin’. What time is it? You up for all day? Watch yourself out there. I think the dog puked in the living room last night.”

• “Love you.”

• “Yeah, no, don’t wear those sweats to town. It would be better not to wear anything. In fact, that’s the best idea I’ve had all day — go naked. Heh-heh heh-heh.”

• “There’s always something to do if a person just shows up.”

• “What time is it?”

• “My new shirt? It's sitting on the dresser because it doesn’t fit … .”

• “Your cooking looks like art.”

• “Seriously, I'm going to burn those sweats. They make me forget you’re beautiful. I'll take you shopping, anywhere, if you’ll just throw them away.”

• “What!? All I said was ‘She’s a beauty and I want her.’ I was just looking. It’s not like I’d drive all the way to Pocatello, Idaho, to buy the motorcycle. … Unless you want to. Y'know. Drive there. Buy the beautiful motorcycle for me. It’s an idea.”

• “Love you.”

• “I’m not smarter, but I know more.”

• “What time is— No, don’t tell me! It’ll bet it’s 7:30. Yes!”

(Actually, he is pretty awesome. It's one of the few times in my life that I got exactly what I deserved when it was a good thing at [email protected].)