View from the North 40: Pamville News Roundup

Editors at Pamville News are bringing readers a healthy dose of international news items to freshen their morning.

ABCNews.go.com reports the 20th Air Guitar World Championship started Thursday in Oulu, Finland, with 30 competitors airing their best moves.

That first day of competition determined the top 15 international competitors who will go on to the final round today.

Hosted by Finland’s northernmost city, Oulu, The competition is a favorite of the town’s mayor who described the event as “creative craziness.”

The mayor told Pamville News foreign correspondents he especially liked the American competitor whose air guitar rendition of The Star Spangled Banner sounded just like Jimi Hendrix’.

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UPI.com reported that they received a photograph showing a feedback slip, reportedly from a Yellowstone National Park visitor, which read: “Our visit was wonderful but we never saw any bears. Please train your bears to be where guests can see them. This was an expensive trip to not get to see bears.”

Pamville News investigative reporters tracked down the author of this note who said he would be returning in 2016 armed with meat scraps to lure the bears in for some quality face time. Pamville News editors will be sending a crew during his visit to cover the “bear kills park visitor” story.

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UPI.com reported that a 12-year-old boy visiting the “Face of Leonardo: Images of a Genius” in a Taiwan museum tripped and fell against a Paolo Porpora painting, putting a fist-sized hole in the corner of the $1.5 million oil-color’s canvas.

In possibly related news, the entire Pamville News Classified section has been bought up for the next week by a parent in Taiwan seeking help for an emotionally traumatized youth.

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UPI.com reported that Susan Marie Surrette, a self-described “escort” also known as Kayla Cupcakes, appeared in a Florida court Aug. 21 on a charge of disorderly intoxication.

Ms. Cupcakes claimed in turn that she had been beaten up by police officers. In an effort to provide Judge John Hurley proof of the assault, Cupcakes lifted her shirt, baring her breasts to the judge.

“Oh, my Lord,” Hurley said, about the sight.

Cupcakes’ lawyer told the judge his client needs help because she suffers from a medical condition. Hurley set Cupcakes’ bail at $100 and ordered her to undergo a medical examination.

Officials at the Susan G. Komen nonprofit breast cancer-fighting organization told Pamville News reporters that, since reading Judge Hurley’s verdict, they have been looking for him to test his vision. Essentially they want to discover if he truly can glance at a woman’s breasts from his bench and determine if she needs medical attention.

Officials with International Go Topless Day are sending him and Cupcakes an award for outstanding and meritorious — though early — celebration of the day set aside for breast baring.

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Oxford University Press, publisher of the multi-volume Oxford English Dictionary, which has long been regarded as the premier dictionary for the English language and which is often referred to as “best book ever,” has announced the new words for its more casual online dictionary OxfordDictionaries.com.

The B-section alone contains such proper word gems as “beer o’clock,” “brain fart,” “bruh” and “butt dial.” The list also includes “MacGyver” as a verb, as in “I MacGyvered my way out of that tight situation by developing a bomb with a Q-tip, a screwdriver and a sample of my own urine.” And the list was bookended by the contrasting words “awesomesauce” and “weak sauce.”

OxfordDictionaries.com U.S. spokeswoman Kayla Cupcakes disputed claims that the venerable guardian of the English language has prostituted itself for pure, low-brow, nerd entertainment.

“Don't judge us. We are merely escorting these words into the limelight for their moment in history,” Cupcakes said.

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Thank you for reading Pamville News where our motto is: “Truth is stranger than fiction, but we embellish it anyway.”

(TGIF at [email protected].)