View from the North 40: Up a language creek without a translator paddle

Imagine, if you can, a world in which people in different regions spoke different languages. Yes, I just asked you to imagine reality, but let’s step that up a notch.

Now, imagine having to rely on a computer program to help you communicate in the different languages. You may not know it, but I just asked you to live in a world of babbling gibberish — a world in which you are to make sense of statements like: “These are to deserve the rushes mesh Nsawin penny pony. Not from flattened cup, God created the tea bothered him on Twitter and Facebook and Astaqram.”

If you understood that statement, feel free to discontinue reading this column and go on with better things like Rubiks cubes and the Wall Street Journal crossword.

Me though? That statement wasted an entire afternoon of my time pondering the nature of communication, testing computerized translators and searching doggedly for answers, but finding none.

That quote was the description written in Arabic and translated into English for a video that had originated in the Central European country of Slovakia.

The video showed a teen or young 20-something girl helping her father stack an entire field of loose hay windrows into a pickup box, without sophisticated machinery — just a pitchfork.

The dad had gray hair with several long braids in the traditional style of Janosik, the Slovakian Robin Hood of legend. The girl was like every cliché of the beautiful farmer’s daughter and so happily strong and adept with the pitchfork that I would have her wield that farm tool as her weapon of choice on my zombie apocalypse team. We would live to see the new era of the zombie cure because of her pitchfork skills.

The video was interesting, but not “waste all afternoon on the computer trying to find the original source, while still hunting the perfect language translator website to get an adequate translation of some of these comments” interesting.

It was that confounded description at the first place I saw it — the Facebook page for Kermalkom News, which is (if I understand it right) based in Jordan (the Middle Eastern country not the small town in Montana) — that made me do it.

Eventually, I found the original source of the video, but alas, I never could make sense of some of the translated comments about it on that first site.

On the other hand, I eventually didn't care about finding an accurate translator after reading phrases like:

“This woman should be like this or not. Additively but undc twenty one of halmar movement will not ok now and good!” (Um ... thank you … ?)

“Just yha to protect the qswry liar and failure of and I saved two words Francis made them shame in loyalties lawasia her alfrnsys.” (I don’t know, but that sounded mean. Don’t be talking about my zombie teammates like that.)

“Girl replied jazz.” (This though, to reply in jazz, is very hep cat daddy-o)

“pridna kneka deklina-hahahaha” (That is both the original wording and what was passed off as a translation into English. Not so much, but thanks for playing.)

“wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwow wahadi hiya lamra ou la hayade balak” (Yes, also supposedly translated. I recognized "wow" and considered that to be a personal success.)

“These women are not more” (I disagree. Well, maybe the dad isn’t, but the girl is definitely more and more-so than most.)

“If Shari is to work was paid for and if a student's wife and mother are paid in dhouri.. The Almaher not sale price” (This one sounds like a story problem for Algebra, and I’m supposed to figure out the price per goat when paying in chickens.)

I really hope worldwide government leaders don't use these translation programs to negotiae trade and disarmament deals.

(“I wish a happy day” at [email protected].)