Sometimes forgiveness can be hard

Forgiveness is easy in the abstract. It’s not so easy when it’s personal. How do you go about forgiving someone who has wronged you? How many times is enough? In telling the parable recorded in Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus says, in effect, “Lose the score card! Don’t measure the forgiveness you give.” Easier said than done.

Here’s a brief summary of the parable: There was a servant who owed the king an enormous debt. He begged for more time; instead, the king forgave the entire debt. That servant then found a man who owed him a small amount of money who asked for time to repay. He refused and had him thrown in prison. Word reached the king: “Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt” (Matthew 18:32-34).

And Jesus concluded with, “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35, ESV).

The unmerciful servant whose debt had been forgiven by the king had a forgiveness problem. The main issue, however, was not his lack of forgiveness for his fellow servant. That was a serious symptom, but the underlying problem was in receiving forgiveness. That’s what led to his lack of forgiveness for his fellow servant. Until you receive God’s forgiveness, you cannot truly forgive others. Forgiveness is not just what you do, but it then becomes part of who you are.

When you refuse to forgive, you aren’t taking to heart God’s forgiveness for you. You are trying to justify yourself and demanding that others do the same. But you cannot pay the debt you owe to God for your failure to follow His will perfectly. You need the mercy God gives. That’s your starting point for forgiving others.

When you get this “receiving-of-forgiveness” straight, then the “giving-of-forgiveness” follows. God has forgiven the guilt of your sin by laying it on the Lamb of God Who takes away the sin of the world. Jesus died on Calvary’s cross and rose again to life for the forgiveness of all sins. Have you received His forgiveness and taken it to heart?

When you refuse to be reconciled with the one who comes seeking forgiveness from you, you are showing that you don’t really know God as your merciful Father. The Christian forgives because he stands before God as forgiven. Being a Christian means to be like your Father in heaven. The children don’t match up perfectly, but you can still tell whose children they are.

Think of someone who has hurt you, betrayed you, stabbed you in the back. They owe you; it’s a real debt. They come to you and ask for your forgiveness. What do you do? You forgive. With the same mercy you receive from God through Jesus — you forgive. Releasing others from their debt to you is what a Christian does, because God is your Father and that’s what He does for you.

What if the person who has sinned against you won’t admit to doing anything wrong? What do you do then? Do you forgive? Yes, but not in the same sense where you meet face to face and say, “I forgive you for what you did to me.” At best, it would be meaningless and would likely cause more anger and hard feelings since there hasn’t been any repentance. But you forgive in that you do not hold a grudge or wait for your chance for revenge. Failure to forgive is a heavy burden to bear. The bitterness will consume you. Refuse to make them important enough to command the attention of your thoughts and feelings. Let it go.

Forgiving others is not just something you are supposed to do, but it is who you are in Christ — forgiven through the blood of Jesus and therefore you are forgiving.

(Rev. Mark Schultz, is pastor of St. Paul Lutheran Church, Havre, and Zion Lutheran Church, Chinook)