Signs of a happy Occupied season

In a startling turn of events indicative of the socio-economic turmoil of these modern times, the Occupy movement has moved north, farthest north in fact, where Santa's elves are spearheading an Occupy North Pole protest.

A growing number of elves have been camping out in Biscotti Park, a short walk from ground zero for the protesters: Santa's Workshop. The encamped elves are sleeping in a makeshift village of igloos, yurts and ice castles while mounting their protest against a variety of woes.

Pam Burke

Some signs displayed by protesters — like "Bail out my snow bank instead" — hearken back to the beginning of the recession and the government's bailout of banks and corporations that were "too big to fail."

Occupiers argue that the anticipated trickling down of this investment to the general public, the 99%, in the form of jobs failed. It resulted, they say, only in higher unemployment for many and cuts in pay and benefits for those still working, along with a marked increase in the cost of living.

An elf carrying a sign saying "I had a job, but it trickled down to the South Pole" stood in front of a banner that read "A Snow Job ain't No Job" and rallied vocal support for his situation.

"I used to have a job painting rosy cheeks on pretty dolls," the elf said. "Sure, it wasn't glamorous, but I learned the trade from my pops, and it kept gingerbread and eggnog on the table. Now, some penguin in the South Pole is slapping red paint on those little porcelain faces with his inadequate, clumsy flippers — because he'll do it for a can of sardines a week.

"I hear those penguins are making little tin horns and little toy drums, too. This stinks worse than canned fish, I tell ya," he added.

The crowd replied with a chant of "Penguins have no pride! Those birds can't even fly!!"

But not all the elves are sympathetic to the Occupy cause, like one unidentified elf hurrying by the protesters to start his shift in Santa's Workshop.

"Young elves these days have had things handed to them all their lives. They're soft. This entitlement generation doesn't know what it's like to work hard and to sacrifice. Why, when elves of my generation and my father's were their age, we fought the dark forces of the evil Sauron empire in Mordor. Twice. And our toy factories still managed to outproduce the world at a reasonable overhead that allowed our bosses to make a tidy profit. We were not snivelers."

Many news networks and pundits across the Pole have reported how the Occupy movement doesn't necessarily represent the sentiment of the majority of elves. At least one sign recognized the negative sentiments televised by the most vocal of these news networks: "Don't worry Arctic Fox News, I don't take you seriously either."

However, the majority of the discontent among the protesters seems to be directed at the super rich and what is perceived as the undue influence, of their power and money on politicians and decision-making in Congress.

"I'll believe corporations are people when a polar bear eats one" says one sign, and still others read:

"Hey 1%, don't snowball me."

And "I'm the 99 percent. I can't afford a sign, so I just 'drew' this in 'yellow' in the snow. Please feed this sign to a lobbyist."

Officials at Santa's Workshop have said that toy manufacturing is on target for this holiday season.

One high-level source, who wished to remain anonymous because she was not authorized to speak to reporters, said that toy production has slowed a bit because quality control has had to turn down some of the penguins' toys.

"Those guys can get a little wild with their flippers," she said, "and we're always losing workers to poor conditions — darn those seals and killer whales.

"Fortunately," she added, with money tighter this year toy sales are down anyway, "thus we're actually avoiding overstocking items and will still see a hearty profit. So it's all good."