No rapture, it's time to unpack the bags

Editor:

Since May 21 was supposed to be the "Rapture" — the end of the world — a friend of mine urged me to heed the warning, prepare a survival kit and get ready for the event.

I wore a set of wings to look like an angel and packed a big bag which held a passport, since I have no birth certificate (during World War II all records in my hometown in Sudetenland-Czechoslaovakia, were burned). The passport proves that I was born and am a legal immigrant and American citizen, in case I had to produce proof of this at the time of the "Rapture."

I also packed a flashlight and binoculars, in case I was refused entry and was returned — so that I could find my way back. I took along makeup and an artificial ponytail for beauty's sake, in case I met the man in the moon. I took along a phone and phonebook to call home; an address book, pen and stamps, and envelopes to write home; a dictionary for correct spelling; my memory book (I am forgetful); extra glasses and sunglasses, in case I encountered too much sun; an umbrella, in case it rained; an alarm clock, in case I dozed off; a camera to take pictures for posterity; duct tape for repair of everything except wrinkles; a biker hood, in case I needed to drive a motorcycle; my license; and my medications, in case of a headache.

I also packed dog biscuits for my dog who I hoped to take along for companionship, and a weasel ball for her entertainment.

Oh, oh, I forgot to pack my toothbrush! And finally, I packed two credit cards in case of an emergency. I was prepared!

May 21 passed uneventfully, and I plan to unpack my bag today.

(In case you readers believe I am serious about all this, you don't know me very well.)

Just an ordinary citizen,

Ilse Wagner

Havre

P.S. Absolutely no disrespect intended to any religious groups. (Seriously!)