Of cowboys and office drones

Reuters news agency reported Feb. 10 in the article "Grumpy workers: Let's not 'touch base'" that a recent survey in London revealed the top ten things that annoy office workers the most. 1. Grumpy or moody colleagues 2. Slow computers 3. Small talk/gossip in the office 4. The use of office jargon or management-speak 5. People speaking loudly on the phone 6. Too much health and safety in the work place 7. Poor toilet etiquette 8. People not turning up for meetings on time or at all 9. People not tidying up after themselves in the kitchen 10. Too cold/cold air conditioning I guess we can assume that because the author specifically used the term "annoy" and not "make my head explode" that explains why some important points, such as 1) My boss is a psycho; 2) I got rooked out of a promotion/raise; and 3) This place is sucking the life out of me, aren't on the list. Still, the fact that one in 10 people surveyed said they had quit jobs for at least one of the items on the list demonstrates the power of being perturbed. Can you imagine, though, explaining at your next job interview the reason for quitting your last job as: "The dude in the cube next to me kept yelling into his cellphone, and one day I just snapped and screamed, 'Yes! We can ALL hear you now! Shut your face hatch!'" Or, "I would've retired from that company, but somebody kept turning the toilet paper roll so the paper fed out the bottom instead of the top. It's not like I didn't send five memos explaining how to do this right. It was obviously a deliberate act of sabotage — and I know who did it. Don't think I don't." Or, "Well, I was fired for being careless, but that ain't right. I deliberately cut off the end this here finger to get out of attending another safety meeting. So, technically, I have a great safety record." Some people are lucky enough not to work in an office and these complaints mean nothing to them. Can you imagine the list of annoyances a cowboy would come up with. 1. Mean cows 2. Slow horses 3. Yapping dogs 4. Co-worker who talks like a Californian 5. Someone else kicking my horse 6. Too much health and safety in the work place 7. Being told to use the indoor toilet 8. Co-workers showing up late to the stampede 9. Not enough food on the table to keep even a rabbit flush 10. After that year we were calving in 40-below temps and snow up to our nether regions, I quit the country for Texas. Now the dust storms sticking the sand to my sweat and the grit filtering into those nether regions make me miss that brisk springtime in Montana. In fact, there are significant differences in work-related jargon between the office worker and the cowboy, too. • Think outside the box / Think outside the corral, slick • Let's touch base / Let's lock horns • Blue sky thinking / That's an idea stampede • Blamestorming / B.S.-ing • Drilling down to a more granular level / Nitpicking • Let's not throw pies in the dark / Throwing a loop that big'll catch you a mess of trouble • I've got that on my radar / That bug's stuck on my windshield • Push the envelope / Let 'er buck • Bring your A-game / Cowboy up • Get all your ducks in a row / Just shut your yap and get to work According to the article, office workers don't like hearing the cliched office jargon. Maybe they just need some fresh air and a cowboy translation. (We cull the wheat from the chaff at http://viewnorth40.wordpress. com.)