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Pamville News brings you the latest entertainment headlines dressed up and bedazzled in fiction accessories. ——— • In another display of Hollywood's love of all things retro, Warner Bros. And Atlas Entertainment have announced their intent to stage a do-over for "Gilligan's Island." Variety magazine reports that the contemporary treatment of the '60s classic sitcom is scheduled to be released on the big screen in 2011. Parents and grandparents everywhere are excited to introduce a new generation to the light-hearted "Lost" of their childhood. One parent commented to Pamville reporters that he is anxious to take his son to the "Gilligan's Island" remake to "open lines of discussion on an important rite of passage for every male" since the sitcom premiered in 1964. "A boy just can't become a man without answering that all-important question: Ginger or Mary Ann? The answer to this philosophical riddle defines you as a male of the species, directs your very life," the father said. "A man just doesn't really know who he is until he knows the kind of woman he wants to hit on in the bars," he explained. "I'm a Ginger man myself," he added. My wife? She's hot — totally useless in a crisis, can't cook what food she pulls from a fridge let alone what she could scrounge from a beach or lagoon. But she could dress up my deserted island any day of the week." • According to Entertainment Weekly, reality TV juggernaut Mark Burnett and former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin are pitching a docudrama about Alaska around Hollywood. One insider described the proposed show as a "planet-Earth type look" at Palin's home state where she quit the governorship after declaring that she would not seek re-election. One source close to Palin quoted Palin as saying about her resignation: "I don't want to burden Alaskans with a lame duck governor. I've been lame enough already." When Pamville reporters asked Palin about the possibility of a docudrama, she commented, "I don't know anything about that." When prompted by the paparazzi later, Palin elaborated, "As for that docudrama talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me: what is it exactly that a docudrama queen does every day?" Palin topped her stay in Hollywood by joining celebrities raiding the gift suites set up for pre-Oscar looting entertainment. While loading down herself and her entourage with an assortment of free swag and bling, Palin overheard talk of the "Gilligan's Island" remake. "I'm all for it! You betcha!" Palin said. "In fact — ohmigawd, this is so cool — we could revamp it to be set in Alaska! I've got this island there where you can totally see Russia, and instead of Pacific Island natives harassing the castaways, we could have some Russian barbarians invade the island and, like, try to boil them in vodka!" "Oh, oh, I know!" Palin continued, "In the end, the castaways could be saved by a pork-funded bridge to nowhere. I know people who can make that happen for reals." After an excited, high-pitched "sqeeee!" Of excitement, Palin declared, "I could totally be Ginger! I'm a former beauty queen, I have rock star, um, talent and I have all this auburny hair, plus, I'm totally clueless in a crisis!" ——— Thank you for reading Pamville News, where our motto is: "Truth can stand on its own, but a good story collects friends and gets invited to all the best parties." (We are rockin' the Casbah at http://viewnorth40.wordpress.com.)