News you can use
News you can use
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I broke a significantly sized corner off a front tooth when I was 10 years old. Sorry to make you cringe right out of the gate. I was at the public swimming pool and as I was getting out of the water my hands slipped off the gutter. I slammed my mouth into the cement. It could have been worse, but I still remember looking in the mirror, choking back tears and the sickness in my gut. I was sure I was going to look wretched and stupid for the rest of my life. I was 10. I...
I have a long and successful track record of failing at productive introspection. My natural philosophy generator has two settings: ultra-pragmatic and ohmigawd(!). It creates two types of responses the “whatever” and “life's too short for (insert curse word of your choice)” kind and the “life is over” and “what ___?!” (as in “what did I do?!” “what just happened?!” “what'd you do?!” and “what the (insert curse word of your choice)?!”) kind of thing. I read something a while...
I'm sure you've all heard the terrible news by now: I did not win the big Powerball jackpot. I know, you wanted it for me as much as I did. Thank you for that, but I'll be OK. Really. I didn't cry myself to sleep that night at all — mostly because I didn't stay up to see the results of the draw. I just wanted one last night of imagining what I'd do with a big jackpot. By the time I went to sleep I had bought a ranch, populated it with rare and expensive horses and hired a ranc...
Oh, woe is me in these dark days. A darkness, black and cold as the long nights of winter has settled into my heart, stolen my life, my livelihood, my reason for Internetting. As if the prospect of waiting nearly five months for my next paid holiday hasn't been weighing heavily enough on my heart, my desire to go on, I now suffer the lack of my dear friend, co-worker and creative companion, Computer. Oh, Computer, my beautiful workhorse, your keys are stilled, your speakers...
New Year resolutions don’t work. Don’t go there if you are faint of heart or weak of will. I remind myself of that every year and normally don’t flirt with this danger, but this year … yeah, call me crazy, call me bold, call me a fool’s fool, but I’m doing it. I’m not going with anything too weird, like “get organized,” or physically unattainable, like vowing to climb the Matterhorn or anything equally unattainable like running a 1K marathon. The list contains all the basic, b...
Last week I promised readers a tale of a Christmas miracle to warm the heart and make us all appreciate the joyous possibilities of the season. And, too, I promised the story of an attempted murder, so if we’re going to get from point Ax murder to point Xmas miracle, we better get started. To recap: Older brother and I were not so much good at getting along, a condition which started at my birth and is, let’s say, an ongoing status into the foreseeable future, and beyond, and...
Laurel — Havre certainly has shown lots of Christmas spirit in the past week. Schools, colleges, fraternal organizations and others put on their finest and celebrated the season with plays, concerts and programs to help needy people. It’s a great community, and it is doing a good job spreading holiday spirit. Dart — During contract negotiations, usually union and management take turns blaming the other for negotiating the media. Recently, both the International Association of...
To know me is to know that I have a contrariness to my nature. For better or worse. From birth till in death do I part. Some piece of me will yin to another’s yang, will yes because there was a no, will advocate the devil’s side. Yes, it will even prompt me to speak nice of my old nemesis, winter. I know that sounds like crazy talk from me, the person who once said that winter is a boil on the backside of existence. But I can assure you that, yes, I said nice things, genuinely...
We serve up the word “traditional” a lot when talking about Thanksgiving dinner, but it’s now clear that our grade school textbooks lied to us about the origins of this holiday. Or maybe you went to a better school than I did. Smithsonianmag.com writer Megan Gambino tells us that the official, federally recognized holiday of Thanksgiving comes to us thanks to the remarkably persistent efforts of Sarah Josepha Hale, editor of what was in the early to mid-1800s a popular women...
Homeland Security has upped threat level assessments of the terrorist organization El Niño — based on data from the security division of National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and intel from their weather operatives in the eastern region of the Pacific Ocean. Unnamed sources at National Weather Security, a little-known, Homeland Security-funded arm of NOAA’s National Weather Service, have told Pamville News investigative reporters that the 2015-2016 winter will see mo...
“Gawd, I’m [blanking] awesome!” my husband said after helping me in the kitchen. I had just made a big pot of stew and was in the middle of kneading dough for a batch of homemade Middle Eastern flatbread to go with it, but thank gawd(!) he was eager save the day with his innate cooking prowess. He poured olive oil into a bowl until I said when. Surely the meal would’ve been a complete loss without this awesomeness. In almost every photo I’ve seen of John from his youth, he...
As a leading source of news in an era of “lamestream” media, Pamville News strives to maintain a solidly ethical and impartial reputation among its readers and peers, but I am going to endorse political candidates anyway. In my position as editor of Pamville News, I do not undertake this endeavor lightly, nor do I do it to sway readers to any politician’s political stance. I do this to give us all hope for the future, a future in which someone has to be elected presi...
All across the U.S. last weekend people were celebrating Halloween and mourning the start of Christmas advertising season. Poor, simple fools. One thing and one thing only mattered: the end of daylight saving time signaling the start of flashlight season. The long cold months of double darkness when both morning and evening chores are completed without aid of sunlight. Daylight saving time changed to battery spending time, if you will. For weeks now I have had to use a...
In a surprising twist of fate, a man who professes on his own website to be the “world’s best-known warlock,” lost a court battle with self-proclaimed witch priestess Lori Sforza in a little place called Salem, Massachusetts. News just doesn’t get any better than this for Halloween. On Wednesday, Salem News reported that witch Lori Sforza was granted a protective order by Salem District Court Judge Robert Brennan against warlock Christian Day. The harassment case reveale...
After a summer of widely differing weather across Hill County and a major hailstorm in July, the end of the 2015 growing season holds no surprises, or records. "It was a miserable year," said Les Rispens, executive director of Hill County Farm Service Agency. Condtions across the northern portion of the county went from what Rispens described as "substantial drought" in the northwest corner of the county, with some farmers seeing near total crop loss, to average precipitation... 
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I have a cat burglar. Not the stealthy, romanticized thief-in-black who scales walls to steal valuables from upper stories of a home or business. I’m talking about an actual cat who burgles and who, by the way, is an unpleasant sort, a sneak-about in the dark and a brutish thug. And, yes, that last one is the real rub. This mean bully is picking on my Tony-O kitty, our resident, one-quarter feral shop cat who is often referred to as “handsome man” and “best cat ever,...
My mom and her three sisters are — let’s say “quirky” just in case one of them gets her hands on this column. All four of the women are different, though I won't elaborate on their characters because I value my life. But all four have one common characteristic: They have spent their entire lives, consciously and subconsciously, in search of themselves, wondering constantly “who am I?” No one taught them when they were little — and their minds were big — useful cliches like: “w...
Havre Trap Club has made its home south of the city for 31 years, and for the past 15 years it has opened its doors, and bunkers, to the Legends for Lights Pheasant Jamboree fundraiser to help bring in money for Montana State University-Northern athlete scholarships. Northern Lights Athletic Scholarship Foundation's major fall fund-raising event this year brought NFL legends for guided pheasant hunts Saturday and Sunday - opening weekend of pheasant hunting this season....
“Love your columns,” the email starts. No “Hello.” No “Dear Pam.” Not even a “Hey.” It just jumps right into the middle of a declaration of my awesomeness. Welcome to my beautiful life. A girl dreams, for years, of something like this happening. You work toward the goal, but sometimes you can’t bring yourself to belie— You do know that when I said “girl” I meant that as a nice, light-hearted, casual, way of saying woman, chick, broad or whatever to mean me since I started...
Like a wine expert, a chocolate connoisseur, an opera singer with perfect pitch, a movie sound director, an artist, a sniper, a braille speed-reader, a plush-pile inspector who runs his or her hands over soft, fuzzy fabric and says “Oh, yeah, that’s so soft and fuzzy” (it’s a job, I'm sure), like any of these people, I have a sensory gift. I hear things. If it buzzes, whirs, taps, hums, squeaks, rings, dings, grinds, taps, knocks, clicks, whistles, snaps, twangs, thumps,...
Tragedy has been stalking my house, doing dirty deeds. Tragedy, as you may know, is one of the lapdogs of the Universe, which likes loose its lapdogs to nip at my heels and bite me in the backside, maybe cause a stampede or an avalanche of irony. The lapdogs are kind of like the hounds of hell, but with a cruel sense of humor that tends to make their irony worse than their bite. Still hurts, though. Late last week the valve connected to the floaty-thingy inside our toilet tank...
I don’t mean to be bossy, but you need to sit down, take a few deep breaths and remain calm if you intend to continue reading. I am, at this very moment on this Friday afternoon of this beautiful fall season, experiencing a major medical crisis. I have an angry, inflamed pimple on my nose. Yes, thank you for your sympathy, prayers and good vibes. Believe me, I’m feeling you feeling my pain, and you will never know how much your emotional support means to me in these try...
Northern Agricultural Research Center will be continuing its centennial celebration during Festival Days and giving the public a chance to see up close, and own, a special part of that milestone. "When we celebrated our 100-year anniversary, we commissioned Don Greytak to do a historical representation of 100 years of agricultural research," said Darrin Boss, superintendent of the research center, which is part of the College of Agriculture at Montana State University in...
My parents did their best to teach their children to be fair to a fault. It made thinking hurt sometimes. Despite our demands for sympathy in disagreements, moral disputes and a wide variety of emotional issues surely destined to ruin our lives — forever — their first response to drama was to tell us to consider how the other person, group or entity felt and to think about other viewpoints of any story or issue. I'm sure they would not approve of my current, and ironic, int...
Before Havre had Festival Days the third weekend of September, it had its own sound of music in the city’s May Festival, which showcased area school bands. As these school bands have succumbed to time and interest in other activities, the Havre High School marching band is beating the odds to carry on the musical tradition for parade-goers. The Havre High marching band will have a few more than 60 members this year, which is about average for a school its size in Montana, s...
